


YoureTooOldForThatShit

by Patd06



Category: Naruto
Genre: Humor, M/M, Out of Character, Sexual Content, Twerking, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2018-01-02 23:48:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patd06/pseuds/Patd06
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke has a crush on a sexy, candid YouTuber.  An unwilling trip to a crap small town leads to some very fulfilling events.  AU. OOCness and inappropriate touching.</p>
            </blockquote>





	YoureTooOldForThatShit

**Author's Note:**

> Salutations! I'm Patd06, and this is my very first SasuNaru fic...I've been writing yaoi for a while, GrimmIchi to be exact, but since I've lost inspiration in that area, I thought I'd try something else...also, I have a friend who loves Naruto a lot, and she asked me to write something for this pairing and so I did...
> 
> Also, my friend PhoenixDiamond said I might be good with this, so here's my first try ^_^
> 
> There will be some OOCness, because I am mostly a humor writer, and I wrote the characters in the way that I thought would be funniest...
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story:)

I push my thick-rimmed glasses up on my nose and wait for my computer to load the page. My stupid older brother is dragging the connection, no doubt from torrenting porn. I swear the guy wanks more than he breathes. I roll my eyes and turn towards my door so I can effectively yell across the hall.

"Hey, Tach-faggot! Why don't you try calling up your fucking boyfriend instead of using all the bandwidth to torrent Jenna Jameson movies, you confused piece of shit?"

"Shut the hell up, you wanker! I'm torrenting the last three seasons of  _Breaking Bad_! Then I'm gonna torrent Jenna Jameson movies," Itachi yells back. He's such a stupid cornball. He can't make a decision on anything; can't even decide whether he likes penises or vaginas.

Me on the other hand, I know exactly what I want, and I have for quite some time. Not that I like to boast about it, or dance around with rainbow flags, while singing  _Raining Men_ , but I am a raging homo. I'd like to consider myself a loner though. That's why I haven't had a boyfriend or anything since discovering my true orientation in high school. I haven't really found anyone who interests me. All the guys I've met are either too brawny, too feminine, or completely 6's and 7's. I couldn't take the madness of the dating world anymore, so I've essentially become, as Itachi says, "a lonely little hipster wanker who couldn't get dick if he was born with a dick in his ass...which he was!" I know, what a mouthful, right? Itachi's an ass anyway, so his opinion doesn't count.

Being honest, there's only one person I'll ever want, and he's currently buffering onto the YouTube page right now.

"So, as you all know, I have a bullshit job, at a fucking bullshit grocery store. Today, someone did something that made me want to just...UGH!" The blonde on the screen clenched his fists. Oh, this is going to be great. "Why the fuck do people act like the universe was formed for their motherfucking glory? Is there a reason you have to have someone carry  _two fucking bags_  of groceries for you? Do you think that shit is cute? Well, UN is here to inform you that it's not. Ugh, I fucking hate it when people act entitled! Look, I do my job because, even if it's shit pay, I get paid to do a job and I'm not some piece of shit who fucks around on my employer's time. So when someone needs help with their groceries, I am obligated to carry them because that is my job. But I'll be damned if I'm carrying _two fucking bags_. Bitch, your arms aren't broken! I don't see a neck brace, leg brace; fuck, I don't even see a finger brace! Fuck! So  _why the fuck do you need my help_? Shit, I hear in the big cities, your asses bag  _and_  carry your own shit. What the fuck do y'all do when you have fucking two carts of groceries? You pick your shit up, put it in a fucking shopping cart, and proceed to take that shit to your vehicle your damn self, don't you? Well, damnit lady, why don't you do that too, you fucking knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, swamp inbred CUNT!"

By this time, I have tears streaming from my eyes. This has to be the most hilarious thing I've ever watched.

"In all seriousness, though, this story is my topic for the day. People, please do everyone who works a service job a favor and bring your asses down from your shoulders. Don't fucking take advantage of someone just because they have a job that requires them to 'serve' you. That doesn't make them your fucking  _servant_ , and you have no fucking right to act like you're entitled to a damned thing. Grow the fuck up. If it takes them a little more than thirteen nanoseconds to fix the twenty-two bacon burgers your fat ass just ordered at Burger King, then SHUT THE HELL UP AND WAIT! You just ordered TWENTY-TWO fucking burgers, you fat fuck! GODDAMNIT! Stop acting like the world owes you something. The only thing anyone owes you is a foot in your ass. So, lady who wanted me to carry her  _two fucking bags of groceries_ , that's right, I'm talking to you personally, stop acting like an entitled fucking six-year-old; you're too old for that shit."

I take off my glasses so that I can efficiently wipe my tears. I've been following this guy, UN, since he started his channel about eight months ago. Yeah, call me a hipster, but I knew about this guy way before the two point two million subscribers he has now. I don't really know much about him, but the name of his channel is  _YoureTooOldForThatShit_ , and he's the fucking hottest guy I've ever seen. He's got this gorgeous longish hair that's so blonde, you could almost call it yellow, sparkling ocean blue eyes, and bone structure that's soft, but not feminine, just young looking. He can't be more than nineteen or twenty, and from his videos, he looks like he has a slim physique. He's mentioned before that he's from somewhere in the southern part of the United States. He even did a video specifically on the way the girls dress down there during the summer; that one is one of my favorites. Being that I live in Canada, where when you look outside and see stark whiteness, you think to yourself, "oh great, it's spring...", I don't really see girls walking around in booty shorts tight enough to, and I quote UN when I say this, "give the skeeted out bitches a motherfucking PAP smear", so hearing that description had me laughing for literally days.

That's what I like the most about this guy. He's not afraid to say exactly what he's thinking, and he doesn't care how other people feel about it. I'd give my left nut to have an actual conversation with the guy.

I sigh as I exit out of the browser page, stand and stretch languidly. I put my glasses back on, because fuck if I can see a damned thing without them, and pull on a black wife beater. I'm about to turn on some AWOLNATION, when I hear Tach-faggot yelling.

"Hey, Sas-you-suck! Quit fapping to UN and go make me a sandwich!" I growl.

"Shut the hell up, you abomination!" I was headed to the kitchen for some oj anyway, so I might as well make him a damned sandwich.

Though it may seem that Itachi and I hate each other, we're actually pretty close. Our parents died in a car accident when he was nine and I was five, so all we've got is each other. That and our caretaker, Kakashi.

He's currently sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book and nursing a cup of joe.

"Should I even ask what you two farts were yelling about this early in the goddamned morning?" he asks in a bored tone. I just shake my head grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and pouring myself a glass.

"Just Tach-faggot being Tach-faggot as usual," I respond, pulling out the necessary ingredients for Itachi's sandwich.

"Well, might as well tell you to start packing now. We're going on a trip; leaving tomorrow," Kakashi says, getting up to pour himself more coffee. I sigh. I really don't feel like leaving the loving embrace of my beloved Canada. Nah, I'm fucking around; I just don't feel like packing.

"Oh yeah? Where we going?" I ask, spreading mayo on the white bread that I've laid on a plate.

"North Carolina." I almost drop the butter knife I'm using.

I'm almost certain that that's where UN said he was from. I'll have to rewatch the video, but if that's the case, I might just lose my shit right now.

"Are we going to visit Neji?" I ask, finishing Tach-faggot's sandwich and returning the ingredients to their correct places.

"Yeah. Hinata's home from school, so you should have someone to entertain you," Kakashi responds. I nod, but I'll probably just hit up my buddy Sasori who lives down there.

I head back to Itachi's room, throwing the plate containing his sandwich unceremoniously on his desk.

"Aw, thanks, Sas-you-suck. You're the best piece of shit brother anyone could ask for," Itachi says.

"Hey, Tach-faggot, have you met Deinda?" I ask, strolling to the opposite side of his room to steal some of his Doritos. He keeps them in his bedroom because he's a selfish piece of shit.

"Deinda who?" he asks, never taking his attention from his computer screen.

"Deinda dis dick, bitch!" I yell, smacking him in the back of his head and shutting his laptop once he's distracted. I run from his room laughing my ass off as he yells expletives after me. I reach into my closet and pull out my suitcase.

"You two better be ready by six a.m.," Kakashi yells from the kitchen. I groan. Leave it to him to have us getting up at the asscrack of dawn.

Once I'm done packing I go back to UN's channel page and search for the video about his hometown during summertime. He definitely lives in North Carolina, some place called Kinston, that he eloquently dubs "BumFuckEgypt". If I'm remembering correctly, Neji and Hinata don't live far from that town and Sasori actually lives there. I swear to GAWD, if I see UN, I'm gonna have a coronary and die. I shut down my laptop and prepare to take a shower. I can't wait to get to BumFuckEgypt.

* * *

I groan indignantly as Kakashi shakes me awake. Neji is standing on the porch smoking a cigarette, completely indifferent to our arrival. I haven't seen the guy since I was fourteen but he hasn't changed very much in that time frame. Itachi is the first to get out and I follow after him with my suitcase.

"Hey Ji-ji," I say, cheekily. Neji blinks.

"Get your candy ass in the goddamned house." I laugh. Nope, Neji hasn't changed a bit.

I stroll through the foyer of the house, making my way to the grand staircase. I almost forgot that the Hyugas are richer than fucking Oprah. I think Bill Gates came by the house to borrow a cup of money the last time I was here. I jog up the stairs and to the room at the end of the hallway that I claimed as my own. Dropping my suitcase, I decide to unpack later and pull my laptop out. Time for some UN.

I search his page for the special "YoureTooYoungForThatShit" edition of YoureTooOldForThatShit, and sit back to revel.

"So I know about 'stranger danger' and 'don't take the candy' and 'don't get in the van with the tear-stained mattress' and all that noise, but am I the only person who realizes that statutory rape isn't rape?" He got a lot of shit for this one. Ask him if he cared though. That'd be a negative, Ghost Rider. "I mean, come the fuck on, people. The definition of rape is any act of sexual intercourse that is  _forced upon a person_. Here's what really grinds my fucking gears about this statutory rape thing; if you're fucking thirteen years old, walking around with all your goodies hanging out for the world to see, you're fucking asking for that shit. I don't care what anyone says. If you give some twenty-six year old sleaze-nugget the  _permission_  to penetrate you, that shit is not rape. And another thing about  _statutory rape_ ; I looked up the definition: 'sexual intercourse with a  _girl_  under the age of consent, which age varies in different states'. What the serious fuck? So it only affects girls who sleep with men well over their age? Talk about fucking double standards. Don't act like guys don't do that shit too, banging chicks, or dudes, whatever floats your boat, that are old enough to be their parents. That shit is nasty. C'mon, kids, just...fuck, I don't know, _bang people your own age_? Or better yet, don't bang people at all. If you're still pissing the bed, and don't act like some of you don't still do it. It's okay, we're all friends here. But if you are, then you have  _no fucking business_  even thinking about having sex in the first place. So, girls and boys under the age of eighteen, quit fucking people who were graduating from high school while you were learning to color inside the lines. You're too young for that shit."

I shake my head as there's a knock on my door.

"Come in," I yell as I close my laptop. The door opens and Hinata walks in smiling sweetly.

"How's it going, Sas-you-suck?" she asks, cheekily. I shake my head. Fuck that stupid Tach-faggot.

"What do you want, Big Head?" I ask, petulantly as I pull a change of clothes out of my suitcase. Hinata just rocks back and forth on the balls of her feet.

"Nothing, nothing. Just thought you might be interested in a double-date?"

"I don't like vaginas, Hinata. You must be thinking about Tach-faggot who's still struggling with his sexuality at the age of twenty-three."

"It's not like that, Sasuke," she says, reverting to my given name. "I just need you to keep my friend Sakura company."

"You talking about that crazy bitch with the pink hair who was trying to take my anus? Oh hell no," I practically screech. Hinata thinks she's slick, but she really isn't. Like hell if I'm going anywhere near that weirdo. "Why don't you ask Tach-faggot? He doesn't have anything to do, you know, being a piece of shit and all."

"Shut the hell up, cumguzzler!" Itachi yells from across the hall. I laugh out loud.

"Please, Sasuke?" Hinata begs with a pout. I deadpan.

"I said no. Plus, I'm planning to go hang out with Sasori later anyways." Hinata hangs her head in defeat.

"Fine. I have to go to work anyway. I'll see him there, so I guess it's okay," she says. I raise an eyebrow.

"Is there a particular reason your rich-as-fuck ass has a job?" I ask, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it randomly. Hinata frowns at the action, turning her nose up slightly.

"I'm not rich. My parents are rich. I refuse to live off of their wealth." I can't help it. I bust out laughing.

"I swear to God, you rich people kill me with that nonsense. But whateves. If that's what you want, then okay. Where do you work?"

"I work at a grocery store."

This definitely sparks my interest.

"Here?"

"No, in Kinston." I have to strain to not break out into a jig. If she works at the same grocery store as UN, I'm gonna lose my fucking marbles.

"Oh. Well maybe me and Sasori will come and wreak havoc." Hinata's face drains of color and she frowns again.

"I swear if you idiots get me fired, I'll cut your balls off and hand them to you." I laugh again.

"Wow, Nata-tata, you've become quite outspoken since we last saw each other." Hinata just rolls her eyes before turning to leave.

"Later, Sas-you-suck," she mumbles.

I fumble around in the pockets of my jeans for my phone. Once I find it, I dial Sasori's number and flop down on the bed, waiting for him to answer. After four rings, he finally picks up.

"Charlie's Whorehouse, you got the dough, we got your ho, this is Sasori speaking, how can I serve you,  _master_?" I erupt with laughter.

"You're fucking stupid! Come pick me up. I'm at the Kennedy Estate," I say jokingly. Sasori chuckles.

"Alright, but your ass better be giving me some money for gas. I'm not playing with you either. My needle is twerking on E," Sasori says, completely serious. I laugh again.

"Yeah, I got you man. Just come the fuck on before Nata-tata tries to make me go on a date with that creepy girl again." Sasori laughs boisterously at that.

"Alright, I'll be there in ten."

* * *

Two hours and three blunts later, Sasori, his boyfriend, Deidara, and me are sitting on the couch laughing our asses off at SpongeBob. I know we're entirely too old for this shit, but watching anything else while high is a travesty against humanity.

"Wait, guys, I just realized something," Deidara says, sobering from his laughter. Sasori and I look at him wide-eyed and ready to accept the information that's bound to blow our fucking minds. "How the hell did Pat-tar get a  _saltshaker_?"

Mind blown.

I swear we're gonna be laughing at that shit for hours. In this moment, I'm hungry as hell though. The guys concur, and we decide it's in our best interest to hit the grocery store since the only thing Sasori has in his kitchen is dog food. We're not that high.

We stroll into the store still laughing like a pack of wild hyenas, and I immediately spot Hinata scanning merchandise with admirable concentration. She must have a long attention span; I know I'd be bored as hell after the first fifteen minutes of that shit. I shove my hands in my pockets and glide over to her register with a smug face.

"Hey, Nata-tata," I drawl languidly. Hinata looks up as she continues to scan groceries. I gotta admit that I'm impressed that she can do it without looking.

"Ugh,  _what are you_ _ **doing**_ _here_?" she laments. Our attention, and everyone else's is drawn towards Sasori and Deidara, who are currently doing some kind of booty dance in front of a rack full of potato chips.

"Oh shit, they got the nacho twisters!" Deidara yells.

"Oh shit, they fucked up! They fucked up now!" Sasori chants. I cackle as the two high fuckers grab over twenty bags of the chips and toss them on Hinata's register.

"I swear I'm going to kill all of you," Hinata mumbles as she starts ringing them up.

"Hey Nata-tata, can we get some customer service?" Sasori asks, leaning on the register. Hinata rolls her eyes and then smirks. She picks up the phone that connects to the intercom system.

"Naruto, customer service on four, please."

Still laughing at Sasori and Deidara's marijuana-induced antics, I don't notice the bagger's presence at first. But then he talks and I swear I'm fucking over.

"Fuck I look like?" I only need that one sentence to know that it's  _him_. He's _right fucking in front of me_. I'm staring at the floor though; I can't bring myself to look for fear of it not being real. I'm still high as hell, after all. "Sasori, if you don't get your narrow ass outta this store, I'm gonna use your face as toilet paper."

"Oh don't be like that, Narutoad," Sasori says, through cackles. So his real name's Naruto? I like it.

"I'm not carrying your goddamned chips. Now get the hell out before I get serious." His voice sounds even better in real life. I finally gather up the nerve to look up and...oh...oh shit. He looks better in person too. As if that shit is even possible.

He's wearing the standard uniform, a royal blue polo, khakis, and a nametag that says "Naruto", but damn if it doesn't look better on him than anybody else in here. His long blonde hair is down with some sort of blue headband around it, and his eyes seem impossibly blue. He's a few inches shorter than me, and his skin is flawless and slightly tanned; his lithe but solid frame is tense as he leans on the register to sufficiently glare at Sasori. When those gorgeous eyes drift towards me, I try my best to regain my composure. When those smooth, velvety lips part into an appreciative smirk, I know I have failed miserably.

"Who's your friend?" he asks, silkily.

Have mercy.

"Oh, Naruto, this is Sasuke. He faps to your videos religiously," Hinata says smugly. I glare at her, even though I know she only knows that because of Itachi. He is such a dickslit.

"Shut the hell up, Nata-tata," I growl. I direct my attention back at the celestial being that's still smirking at me. I put on a smirk of my own, shoving my hands into the pockets of my too-tight jeans. Naruto steps from behind the register and holds out his hand.

"Naruto Uzumaki." I shake his hand and am thrilled to my bone marrow when he holds on to it for much longer than social protocol calls for.

"Sasuke Uchiha. I'm a big fan of yours, but I don't fap to you." His too-blue eyes sparkle as he smiles mischievously.

"How disappointing," he says, and I swear his voice dropped an octave or two. He lets go of my hand, much to my disappointment. "My shift ends at six. You down for some Mexican food?"

"I'm down."

"Okay, the restaurant's just down the strip. It's called San Juan. Meet me there at seven," he says. I nod and take out my phone, messing around with it. Naruto raises a thin, blonde eyebrow. "What're you doing?"

"Oh there's something wrong with my phone."

"What?"

"It doesn't have your number in it," I say with a dazzling smile. Naruto lets out a laugh that could end wars and takes my phone, programming his number into it.

Once we remember that there are other people in the world besides us, I realize that Sasori and Deidara are twerking again, and Hinata is glaring at Naruto and me. Dare I say that she's jelly of my swag? I'm about to tell her to spread some of that jelly on some toast, when she speaks.

"What the hell, Naruto? I thought we were supposed to hang out tonight," she says, scowling. Naruto scratches the back of his neck.

"Oh, that. Well, I kind of have some things to do...and those things that I have to do are...better? Basically what I'm saying is that I have better things to do." Hinata looks like she's going to burst into tears, and part of me feels so bad (but, oh, not that bad). Naruto returns to his position next to her at the register. "Plus, you know I'm gay right?"

"I thought you were bisexual."

I shake my head as I grab Sasori and Deidara and drag them towards the exit. Some people are just completely oblivious.

"See you at seven, Sasuke," Naruto calls after me. I turn and smirk at him over my shoulder. Then I leave without another word.

* * *

Later, after showering so that I didn't stink of weed anymore, I'm standing in front of the restaurant where I'm supposed to be meeting Naruto. He's about fifteen minutes late, but I'm not stressing it. I know he's just as interested in me as I am in him. I decided to change into a pair of ripped black denim skinny jeans, a white and purple Panic! at the Disco tank, and high top purple Converse. My hair is styled in its usual bird's nest in the back and straight bangs on the sides. I look  _good_ , if I do say so myself. I check the time on my Spider-Man wrist watch, and once I look up again, Naruto is sauntering towards me like he owns the whole damn universe. I shake my head at my thoughts; he already owns mine.

He comes to a stop in front of me and smiles. He's wearing an orange and black jacket, orange skinny jeans and black T.U.K. combat boots. He switched his headband to a silver one, and a shiny silver stud glints in his nose. God, he's hotter than Satan's testicles.

"Hey, you. Sorry I'm late. Had to get right," he states, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

We walk into the restaurant, and wait to be seated. Soon a waiter comes and asks if we want a table or a booth, and Naruto answers for us. We follow the waiter to a booth in the back corner of the restaurant and sit down. The waiter places menus in front of us and prepares to take our drink orders.

"¿Qué van a tomar?" he asks, and while I'm looking like "dafuq?", Naruto surprises the hell out of me by answering fluidly.

"Me gustaría una cerveza, por favor."

Sweet baby Jesus.

"¿Y usted?" the waiter asks directing his attention at me. Well, shit, now I'm lame as hell.

"Uh, el Sprite?" I say. The waiter raises an eyebrow, but scribbles on his notepad anyway. Condescending bastard. I glare as he walks away, and I don't realize how long I've been staring until Naruto's laughter brings me back to the present.

"The fuck's so funny?" I ask, crassly. Naruto lifts his hands in defeat.

"Why didn't you order a beer too?" he asks.

"Because I'm only nineteen," I respond, raising an eyebrow. "You mean to tell me you're old enough to order alcohol?" Naruto just chuckles and pulls out his wallet, tossing his license at me.

"I'm twenty-two."

Holy shit, he's three years older than me! Isn't it illegal to look younger than you really are? Well, it should be.

"Jesus F. Christ," I mumble, sliding the license back to him. Naruto laughs again, and I swear I'm gonna have to beat my soldier into submission if he doesn't calm the fuck down.

"So, Sasuke, you're a fan of YoureTooOldForThatShit?" he asks. I nod.

"I have been since you started the channel. Hinata and I have been friends for a long time, but she never told me it was you, or that she knew you even when I'd started obsessing with you," I say. I almost face palm when Naruto's cocky smirk returns. I hadn't meant to say that last part at all. Damn him for being so easy to talk to. He shouldn't be so damn cute.

"Well, I'm flattered. And I'm sure Hinata didn't tell you because she's been after my dick since she started working at the store. I swear to GAWD, the shit is ridiculous," he laments, and I bust out laughing. "I mean, I understand that the D is phenomenal, but she needs a glass of water, because that bitch is thirsty."

I'm still laughing as the waiter approaches, so I guess Naruto decides to order for both of us.

"¿Qué desean ustedes?"

"¿Nos trae dos quesadillas de pollo sin cebollas y una ensalada, por favor?" The waiter nods and leaves again. I guess I'm looking at Naruto like I want to eat him instead of the food he just ordered, because he gives me a similar look. "What?"

"It's too fucking hot when you speak Spanish," I say, leaning over the table. Naruto leans forward also, so his mouth is next to my ear.

"Te quiero en mi cama esta noche," he purrs, sensually.

I swear to GAWD.

"W-what does that mean?" I ask, suddenly feeling like I'm going to spontaneously combust. Naruto sits back, his ocean blue eyes darkening significantly.

"I said 'I want you in my bed tonight'." I just know my eyebrows are hiding behind my hairline. Naruto continues to stare me down as the waiter comes back with our food. It looks and smells delicious, but the only thing I'm hungry for is this blonde haired, blue eyed masterpiece that's sitting in front of me, looking like he wants to eat me too.

I think Naruto's getting the D tonight.

* * *

Naruto grunts as I push him forcefully against the front door of his apartment, my lips greedily attacking his. I break apart the kiss, only to attach my lips to his neck. His fingers trail through my hair and I feel a shudder inch down my spine.

"Let me unlock the door," he says, softly.

I reluctantly release him, only to wrap my arms around his slender waist once he turns around. He digs around in the pocket of his jacket until he pulls out a set of keys. He lets out a soft moan as I attach my lips to his neck, his hands shaking as he tries to unlock the door. Once he does, he opens the door, and I immediately pin him against the wall, continuing the heated kiss from before. Pushing his shirt up, I find his nipple, flicking the bud fleetingly. His breath hitches and I smirk into the kiss. Someone's sensitive.

"You're so fucking hot, Naruto," I grumble against the skin of his neck as I nip at it sharply. I lift him up and he wraps his long legs around my hips. "Do you know how long I've fantasized about this?" He smirks.

"I imagine it's been quite a while. But don't worry; I don't think I'll be letting you go any time soon."

At that, he brings his lips to mine once more, and I fumble with his jeans, trying with earnest to unbutton them with one hand. Once I've succeeded, I get to work on my own as Naruto wiggles his way out of the too-tight pants. Naruto's slick tongue glides around my mouth, studying every square inch as if he's committing it to memory. I groan into the kiss as I slowly pull his boxer briefs down on his hips. We only break apart from our kiss when I drop my pants and underwear to my ankles. I look into his eyes as I wrap my hand around his turgid erection. His head falls back against the wall, and his legs tighten around my waist.

"S-Sasuke. . ." he moans, pulling away from me to give me an alluring look with those gorgeous eyes of his.

Mother of God.

We are so not gonna make it to his bedroom.

I press three of my fingers against his lips, and he takes them into his mouth, letting his tongue dance over each one of them. I imagine he's spectacular at fellatio, but we'll save that for later. Right now, I'm dying to bury myself as deep into him as I can.

Once my fingers are almost dripping with his saliva, I waste no time prodding his entrance with the first of the trio. Naruto kisses me once more, biting my lip as my finger breaches the first bit of resistance. I add a second finger, and Naruto bites my lip harder until I'm sure he's drawing blood. His moans intensify and I let out a groan of my own. When he starts to move his hips against my fingers, I take that as a cue to add the third.

"Sasuke. . .I can't take it anymore. Do it now," he begs. Without hesitation, I pull my fingers out of him and lick my other hand, using it to coat my length. I look into his eyes and he gives me a slight nod letting me know that he's ready. With that cue, I line myself up at his entrance, pushing in hesitantly. Naruto's face scrunches up, but he pushes back against me nonetheless. I grip his hips tightly, feeling the heat surrounding me. I groan and let my head fall back. Once I'm in all the way, I pause and allow Naruto time to adjust. After a little while, he rotates his hips slightly. "Move. . .please. . ."

"Well, since you said please," I say, cheekily. He smirks, but it's quickly removed from his lips as I rock my hips oh so slowly. It's killing me, but I want to tease him a little bit before I really get into it. He seems to catch on to this and he glares at me.

"Jerk. . .c'mon."

"Say please again," I tease, rocking my hips again. He moans almost pitifully. When he looks at me through those long blond lashes, I'm so done.

"Please, Sasuke. . ."

Oh, that's just not fair.

I kiss him roughly as I start a steady pace in and out of his tight entrance. The kiss is sloppy and wet, as I find my rhythm and start to move faster. His breaths accelerate and he grips my shoulders to hold himself in place. He pulls away from the kiss, moaning and tossing his head from side to side.

"Oh, yes. . .right there. . ." he mewls. I increase my pace, pulling out almost all the way before snapping my hips forward again. "So good. . .faster. . ."

I do my best to comply, though I'm sure my pace is almost inhuman already.

"You feel so good, Naruto. . ."

"So do you. . .touch me. . ." I stroke his heated member in time with my thrusts. He whines biting his lip.

"I'm close, Naruto," I say, feeling my release nearing. Naruto nods, I guess in agreement.

"Me too. . ."

I move my hips faster, and Naruto cries out, presumably because I hit his prostate. Not long after, he tightens around me and his release paints his abdomen. I follow soon after, feeling my legs shake from the work of holding both of us up for so long. Soon, we both slump to the floor, panting.

"Damn," Naruto says. I look at him, laughing slightly.

"Right?" I respond. I rub my lower back a little. "Shit, I think I fucked something up back here."

"We're too old for this shit," he says, and we both erupt with laughter.

I think this is the beginning of the perfect relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> So I know the lemon is pretty sucky, but I've never written this kind of thing for these two, and no matter what anyone says, it's not the same...but I tried my very best, and I hope I'll get better in the future...thank you very much for reading, and I hope you all liked it:) Until next time,
> 
> Patd06


End file.
